Why I considered retirement

so I said I'd do a video with this so

I'm gonna go ahead and get the video

part out of the way because probably a

lot easier than the writing part the

writing parts always [ __ ] harder I

know I've talked about me having

struggles with how I feel about

tattooing where my place in it is and

you know the idea of like you know when

am I just gonna like hang it up where am

I gonna retire there have been things

that have had me considering and

thinking about it like you know is that

is it time for that is that how I'm

feeling about tattooing now I was really

miserable enough with it that I I should

just stop like that's the right thing to

do I realize that you know after a lot

of [ __ ] therapy a therapy and a lot

of other [ __ ] but I realized that it's I

don't hate tattooing I love doing


I like the interactions that I have my

clients I like the feeling of

accomplishment when I finish a project

what I realized is it's a lot of things

within tattooing that I really don't

like and you know I think they were

taken like a lot of my attention we'll

just start good on a list it's a [ __ ]

list the really old-school mentalities

that some people hold I understand

honoring tradition you know and if you

want to do traditional and I love

traditional tattoos fuckin'-a fuckin'-a

right let go for it I love I love doing

traditional the ideas about not sharing

information ideas about you know the

level of respect you should have for

like your elders and tattooing the the

ideas of asking to do things these are

like some old-school ideas that don't

don't die very easily you know people

don't like change and I understand that

this is the way things were done forever

but you know the fact is like you know

why would you want to take it back to

how it was back in the day like she kind

of sucked back then right yeah there was

cool [ __ ] but it was like you guys to

get is to get followed around every

store I went in just cuz people thought

I was gonna steal

just cuz I had [ __ ] tattoos on my hand

you know like that's how it was back in

like dizzy dis only 20 years ago this is

we're not even talking for a long time

ago the [ __ ] Internet like I mean it

existed but it wasn't like it is now

I know social media it couldn't even

[ __ ] text me if we had to call people

on the phone there's a lot of things

like I don't miss and I'm like glad that

shit's going I like having everything at

the tip of my fingers that would didn't

have back then I like the idea of the

fact that information exists so

therefore people are gonna access it how

they want when they want I'm fine with

sharing information I like to share

information and I actually fear less

than I'd like to about that doing

because I've always been afraid of

offending like old school mentality

dudes when the truth is like I don't

[ __ ] care I'll tell you everything I

know about that doing it doesn't matter

like because you know 95% of the people

that I tell it to you aren't gonna

[ __ ] use it anyway the opposite end

of the spectrum from the old-school

mentalities and that's specifically

high-end I'm a preface or preface

preface preface this by saying that when

I opened art machine my idea was to be

high-end what I'm realizing is while art

machine is more of a high-end shop than

some it's not as insane as people get

into this the shops that are like an

immersive experience kind of thing and

I'm like just don't take it too taking

it too far man you just can't go too far

with this [ __ ] what we should be doing

as a shop what we should be doing is

worrying about you know the convenience

and comfort of our clients and then

that's that's what we really need and

feel like some of these like immersive

type shops like the experience the

experience of this shop they might be

catering to the comfort of their clients

but never the convenience it's not easy

to get in there

you're more limited with what you're

getting because it's like the artists

are like I'm

going to do what I do and I'm going to

pick my the [ __ ] tattoo for you like

some [ __ ] jackass it's like dude

you're doing a [ __ ] tattoo you're not

that [ __ ] cool

and don't get me wrong all these things

bother me or my own ego this is there's

not actual problems with any of these

things this is all my own ego that's

coming back at me that's bothering me

because I'm annoyed by these things

because I don't like them personally I

mean if that's kind of shop you want to

have and that's kind of [ __ ] shop you

want to get tattooed and the more power

to you and it's your choice and you're

called do things however you see fit and

if that's what's making you happy as a

collector or as an artist cool just make

sure that you know you're self aware of

what you're doing and that's that's what

this whole thing is coming back to for

me is about my own self-awareness I

always work on that and I feel like in

the past I've probably had not enough

self-awareness there's another one

[ __ ] rock star attitude people that

think they're God's [ __ ] gifted

tattooing I don't care how [ __ ] good

you are somebody is gonna blow you out

of the [ __ ] water next year and

they're gonna even ease [ __ ]

you've never heard of him and people

forget who the [ __ ] you are I could name

a dozen tattooers that were [ __ ] big

[ __ ] ten years ago and now you'd be like

oh because that's the the pace the

industry moves at now if you got a

[ __ ] ego about how cool you are or

how [ __ ] awesome your [ __ ] is like

get off your [ __ ] horse before

somebody knocks you off because it's

what happen and you know so it's like

anytime I see somebody who depth just

[ __ ] attitudes about themselves and

their work I'm like come on dude like

somebody's gonna knock him down a peg

it's not my job to so you know whatever

but that [ __ ] bothers the hell out of me

and everybody's you won't know that you

see that [ __ ] all the [ __ ] time it's

all the [ __ ] time there's somebody

with that kind of [ __ ] attitude don't

really gets to me [ __ ]

photoshopping their work and you see me

talk about this I talked about this at

length and

I had posted about this and [ __ ]

videos about but [ __ ] like stop

mr. misrepresenting your [ __ ] now I

understand the idea that like you should

have things presented in a nice fashion

but you know when you've moved the photo

of your work into a realm of not either

either not looking realistic or looking

more like an artistic photo instead of a

photo of art when you've gotten there

[ __ ] pisses me off because it's not

what tattoos really look like you're

misrepresenting it to people and it's

not it's a lie you're building business

on a lie that really bothers me and

again this isn't my ego that lets that

bother me because you see [ __ ] loads of

accounts guys that'll have you know

hundreds of thousands of followers on

Instagram and you're like mother [ __ ]

your work does not look like that I'm

not saying these dudes aren't good

because like some of them are [ __ ]

phenomenal tattooers and that's the

thing it's like you're [ __ ] great why

are you [ __ ] with your work like that

why are you misrepresenting it to be

because you're already amazing the the

clients get tricked into it like people

really believe that a tattoos gonna look

like that and I'm like that's not that's

not how it is and it's it's just unfair

to them you know and it's like I feel

like you know you should not [ __ ]

the the clientele

don't [ __ ] them it's better to be

honest and tell clients something they

don't want to hear than - [ __ ] them

just to get their money and bother just

[ __ ] out of me about the [ __ ]

Photoshop but again again this is just

my [ __ ] ego because I won't bend to

that to do to do that to my photo I let

that get to me more than it needs to

now I admit it I know that a lot of this

a lot of this is because I let [ __ ] get

to me but again I understand that that's

what's going on right now that's what's


if you'll notice every single [ __ ]

issue I have here is about bunch of

[ __ ]

tubers I know so many [ __ ] good that

simmers like there are good people and

they doing the right thing you know but

it was just like there's certain things

I just don't [ __ ] like another one is

that people who kind of basically revel

in the idea of being trashy I'm not the

[ __ ] classiest dude or anything but

I'm not and I'm not trying to put on an

air of being classy but I'm not the

trashy dude I'm not trying to put it on

an air of being trash have I done trashy

things absolutely I've been a trashy

person before but I'm not like in

general I'm not but you see people and

they're they're kind of living up really

like kind of hyping that they're [ __ ]

a trash it's like TV you're probably not

trash not as bad as you say [ __ ] maybe

they are and they're just really proud

of that for some reason I think like the

idea of like kind of hyping up the whole

like you know aspect of like I'm trashy

it's like wow [ __ ] would you do that

like you know Todd tattooing and people

with tattoos already get a bad enough

rap most of the time as it is so it's

like why would you why would you try to

like [ __ ] that up even more what

everything comes down to is I was

letting all these different things

really [ __ ] with me when it comes to my

own personal career like I was letting

what other people are doing [ __ ] with me

and how I feel about the entire industry

how I feel about tattooing that's not

cool of me you know again this is

letting that is me projecting their [ __ ]

on to myself for some reason what I do

in tattooing and what I do with my shop

has nothing to do with the rest of

tattooing it has to do with me and my

shop I opened a shop in the first place

to try to give something better to

artists and to clients this was my

entire purpose because all I've ever

[ __ ] cared about was trying to

maintain as open communication as

possible with

clientele and to be able to treat then

[ __ ] properly

I let what's happening elsewhere in

tattooing just [ __ ] up my day I don't

need to worry about what anybody else is

doing I need to worry about that [ __ ]

[ __ ] what I need to worry about is what

I was intended to focus on in the first

place giving a place to other artists

where they could work and grow and build

something for themselves build client

bases for all my poor communication

skills with my co-workers and staff for

all the things all my shortcomings as an

owner of a shop I have always tried to

help every artist that came through our

machine build a client base once have I

ever expected the clients I've never

considered the clients art machine

clients they're not clients of my shop

they're clients are the people within my

shop and I've always looked at it that

way so it's like I've always wanted to

have this place for artists to build

this from themselves and I wanted a

place where clients could come and know

that anybody in this building is gonna

be able to take care of them and treat

them right make them comfortable not

blow smoke up their ass now I try to

give them a [ __ ] immersive [ __ ]

experience you know sterile white walls

and [ __ ] you know meditation music

playing I mean that's what you listen to

cool like if you work at the shop and

that's what you're listening to whatever

like I listen to some weird [ __ ]

sometimes there's no [ __ ] like ferns

and fog and hot stone massage you know

it's it's a tattoo shop it's still a

[ __ ] tattoo shop even if it's a

high-end one I just wanted a place

that's comfortable I wonder places

relaxing that people felt at home in and

that was my whole my whole idea was like

I want people to feel at home here none

of that has changed but I think I lost

focus for myself and the problem is when

I lose focus for myself it

[ __ ] with things at work I mean you

can't help but take it with you

sometimes you know and the thing is like

I just couldn't piece everything

together and figure out how like what

exactly my deal was I didn't know why I

felt the way I was feeling the way that

feels way I feel and I still do but it

was I'll start going to this point where

is just like it was like almost like

just feeling like a level of disgust for

tattooing tattooing is a service I

always want to make sure that the

clients are happy with what they're

doing I'm not trying to I am NOT an

artist and this is like when it comes to

tattooing I'm a craftsman so I'm trying

to use my expertise to give the clients

what they want in the way that my

expertise allows some tough [ __ ] for me

to reconcile I don't want to allow the

way other people conduct their business

to affect the way that I conduct mine I

feel like I you know a lot of times I do

let down let people down on that front

you know but I try I do try it's not for

lack of lack of trying

it's sometimes it's not good enough you

know I've never claimed to be a great

boss and great great owner I think the

moral here is that I'm not gonna let

other people's [ __ ] affect how I

should be behaving at work what I should

be doing how should we treat people how

should be treating the people I work

with how we should be treating our

clients because in the end that's all it

really [ __ ] mattered it's all that

ever mattered because I didn't do all

this because I wanted other people to

basically what I'm saying is I don't

give a [ __ ] about the tattoo industry

what I care about is my clients and I've

always wanted people working with me

that that's all they care about they

care about the clients I'm doing [ __ ]

about the tattoo industry like I don't

give a [ __ ] about the cool kids club

I don't care and I've been letting it

affect me every time I'm not sitting

down tattooing I'm [ __ ] bothered and

it's because I'm I'm like obsessing over

some [ __ ] with tattooing doesn't [ __ ]

affect me

but when I'm sitting down and working

with a client I am happy they are happy

I'm doing what I was supposed to be

doing for them you know I said it said

it earlier today I said you know if

there's something you don't like in your

industry to have the balls to stand up

and change it and now I'm not trying to

change the industry I don't expect that

to happen too many [ __ ] strong wills

but I do want to change what it is that

I do