(barking and meowing)
- I'm a big cat person.
I think they're the best.
If you have a shitty cat,
it's probably just 'cause you're a shitty person.
- Dogs are the best.
I am as indifferent to cats as they are to me.
- [Man in Blue] Meow.
- I grew up with both dogs and cats,
so I don't want either of them.
- I will be reading a series of facts.
It is your job to guess whether
they are a dog fact, or a cat fact.
- Cat fact.
- This animal cannot taste sweets.
- [Man with Mic] The answer is cats.
- Meow, meow, I knew that because
dogs like to eat chocolate even though it kills them.
- [Man with Mic] These animals spend 2/3
of their life sleeping.
- Cats like to sleep, but dogs like to sleep too.
So do I.
- I feel like they both just sleep a lot.
- Answers please?
The answer is cats.
- [Woman] Damn it!
- What a blessed life they live, ya know?
- They're boring, but if you like
a little bit more relaxed lifestyle, you do want a cat.
You do want boring.
- I resent that.
- These animals prefer to poop in alignment
with the earth's magnetic field.
- That's cool.
- Okay, I know that dogs like to die in a certain direction.
So I'm assuming they like to poop that way too.
- Wait, ya know what, dog.
- Yeah, my cat got locked in my room once,
and he pooped on my bed.
I'm gonna go dog.
- My cat wasn't locked in my room,
and it still pooped on my bed.
- Ya know what, fuck this, I'm going cat.
- Woof. - You're wrong, Zach.
- I don't care. - Woof.
- The answer is dogs.
- Woof, woof, woof.
I based my answer on how dogs die.
- 52% of people in America, when polled,
favor this animal.
- I think it's gotta be dog.
- I'm gonna go with cat.
because you said it's the most popular.
- [Man with Mic] Unfortunately, Keith is wrong.
- Why don't people own the thing
that they love the most?
- Because dogs are too much of a commitment.
And even though they're a dog person,
they may not have the money or the time to have a dog.
And that's why dogs aren't as popular as cats,
'cause everyone can just get a cat and leave it at home.
- Yeah, that's awesome.
- The owners of these animals score higher
on intelligence tests.
- Boom, meow it up.
- I know a lot of stupid people
with both kinds of animals.
Let's see we got one cat, one dog.
- [Man with Mic] The answer is cat.
- [Man with Mic] Research shows, that these animals
get jealous when their owners show affection to others.
- I feel like cats only want to hang out with you
when you're not looking at them.
- The thing is, I watched a dog do this yesterday.
But I've also seen cats do it.
- The answer is dogs.
- Why you happy about that?
A dog is like your jealous ex-girlfriend that's like
pay attention to me.
- No, it just means that they love you the most.
- Come on in and show Jordan what she has won.
- What's that say about dog owner IQs now, (beep)?
- It's a dog!
- Hi sweetie.
- So just to be clear,
there was never gonna be a cat no matter what.
- This dog looks like a lamb.
- [Jordan] She smells like dog shampoo, and it's so good.
- Congratulations Jordan!
You now have a new dog to take care of.
- I'm glad I didn't win.
- [Jordan] So happy.
I wish everyone would just love everything,
and then I'd be happier.
- [Keith] I'm cool with that, yeah.
- [Zach] There's a dog on the table.