dog

Dog Facts Vs. Cat Facts

(barking and meowing)

- I'm a big cat person.

I think they're the best.

If you have a shitty cat,

it's probably just 'cause you're a shitty person.

- Dogs are the best.

I am as indifferent to cats as they are to me.

- [Man in Blue] Meow.

- I grew up with both dogs and cats,

so I don't want either of them.

- I will be reading a series of facts.

It is your job to guess whether

they are a dog fact, or a cat fact.

- Cat fact.

- This animal cannot taste sweets.

- Meow.

- Meow.

- [Man with Mic] The answer is cats.

- Meow, meow, I knew that because

dogs like to eat chocolate even though it kills them.

- [Man with Mic] These animals spend 2/3

of their life sleeping.

- Cats like to sleep, but dogs like to sleep too.

So do I.

- I feel like they both just sleep a lot.

- Answers please?

The answer is cats.

- [Woman] Damn it!

- What a blessed life they live, ya know?

- They're boring, but if you like

a little bit more relaxed lifestyle, you do want a cat.

You do want boring.

- I resent that.

- These animals prefer to poop in alignment

with the earth's magnetic field.

- That's cool.

- Meow.

- Okay, I know that dogs like to die in a certain direction.

So I'm assuming they like to poop that way too.

Dog, woof.

- Wait, ya know what, dog.

- Yeah, my cat got locked in my room once,

and he pooped on my bed.

I'm gonna go dog.

- My cat wasn't locked in my room,

and it still pooped on my bed.

- Ya know what, fuck this, I'm going cat.

- Woof. - You're wrong, Zach.

- I don't care. - Woof.

- The answer is dogs.

- Woof, woof, woof.

I based my answer on how dogs die.

- 52% of people in America, when polled,

favor this animal.

- I think it's gotta be dog.

- I'm gonna go with cat.

because you said it's the most popular.

- [Man with Mic] Unfortunately, Keith is wrong.

- Why don't people own the thing

that they love the most?

- Because dogs are too much of a commitment.

And even though they're a dog person,

they may not have the money or the time to have a dog.

And that's why dogs aren't as popular as cats,

'cause everyone can just get a cat and leave it at home.

- Yeah, that's awesome.

- The owners of these animals score higher

on intelligence tests.

- Boom, meow it up.

- I know a lot of stupid people

with both kinds of animals.

Let's see we got one cat, one dog.

Dog.

- [Man with Mic] The answer is cat.

- Obviously.

- [Man with Mic] Research shows, that these animals

get jealous when their owners show affection to others.

- I feel like cats only want to hang out with you

when you're not looking at them.

- The thing is, I watched a dog do this yesterday.

But I've also seen cats do it.

- The answer is dogs.

- Yes!

- Why you happy about that?

A dog is like your jealous ex-girlfriend that's like

pay attention to me.

- No, it just means that they love you the most.

- Come on in and show Jordan what she has won.

- What's that say about dog owner IQs now, (beep)?

- It's a dog!

- Hi sweetie.

- So just to be clear,

there was never gonna be a cat no matter what.

- This dog looks like a lamb.

- [Jordan] She smells like dog shampoo, and it's so good.

- Congratulations Jordan!

You now have a new dog to take care of.

- I'm glad I didn't win.

- [Jordan] So happy.

I wish everyone would just love everything,

and then I'd be happier.

- [Keith] I'm cool with that, yeah.

- [Zach] There's a dog on the table.